The Childfree Edition
Next Monday is International Childfree Day. I'm celebrating by shouting from the rooftops why I'm glad I'm childfree.
Thanks again for supporting a childfree content creator! Monday August 1st is International Childfree Day. In honor of this joyous occasion, I wax poetic about the rapturous experience of not having kids.
Inside This Edition Of The Spinster Life Newsletter
Blog Post: Proud To Be Childfree
From The Desk Of A Spinster
Present and Future: Latest Releases and What’s Coming Out Soon
Blog Post: 3 Reasons I’m Proud To Be Childfree
Being childfree isn’t all sleeping in and disposable income. There’s also a lot of soul searching and adult decision making involved. I’m quite proud of all the internal work that I’ve done on myself to get to the point where I feel like I can represent the childfree movement accurately.
And yes, there is some gloating about the glamour of uninterrupted sleep and long vacations. But we’re showboating for a reason. By talking about the pros of being childfree, we’re marketing this lifestyle. We’re educating the public that there are other ways to cross the threshold into adulthood than creating another person. Being an adult can also mean choosing a life that makes you the best version of yourself.
Honestly, it’s easy to market because there are very few downsides to being childfree. I’m hard pressed to think of a single reason that someone who really doesn’t want kids should go forth and procreate.
Here are just three of the reasons that I’m proud to be childfree.
I Made The Right Decision For Me
For a perennial people pleaser, this is huge! I didn’t factor anyone else’s feelings into this decision, only myself. I stopped worrying about what my parents would think. I stopped comparing my developmental milestones to other people my age. And I stopped worrying about disappointing a future partner by not wanting children. Instead of contorting myself into the image of what that future partner wanted, I now have the ability to advocate for myself and what works for me.
I have a feeling that people with children will back me up and agree that having kids because someone else wants you to is a bad idea. Making decisions for your own happiness is a marker of maturity.
I Made A Hard and Unpopular Decision
Even though there are more and more childfree people coming out of the woodwork all the time, not having kids is somehow still seen as some kind of oddity. It’s not easy to buck tradition and travel the path less traveled. But I did it, and I’m proud that I stuck to my guns.
Because even though I’m staunchly childfree now, it wasn’t always so. I have bounced back and forth between never wanting kids and being open to it. I have thought about what my life as a parent would be like and how I would parent my hypothetical child.
In deciding to be childfree I did give up a hypothetical future. I’ll always be curious about what it would be like to be pregnant and experience childbirth, but ultimately, regretting becoming a parent is a terrible option.
I didn’t cave to peer pressure and family pressure. I didn’t doubt myself because it’s “not what most people do.” I was able to stand up for what I believe in.
I Have More Time For Me
I have dealt with mental health issues for as long as I can remember. On the days when depression kept me in bed, at least I knew that I was only letting myself down. While plenty of people can and do parent through mental illness, I am not one of those people.
It sounds selfish to value spending time with myself and on myself, but it’s really not. By reserving time for myself, I’m able to work on myself and grow in ways that I wouldn’t be if I was overwhelmed with parenting. My mental health issues are currently manageable because I’ve been able to focus on myself. If I hadn’t had this time with myself, there is no way I could have been a good parent.
Coming out as a childfree person is the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. You could even say I’m proud to be childfree.
From The Desk Of A Spinster
The childfree and the childless should be friends. As two different communities, we might not seem to have a lot in common.
As a childfree person, I’m over here shouting about how great it is that I got to pick a way of life that works for me.
While the childfree are over there, processing a wide range of emotions, from grief, to guilt, to shame. They are dealing with the abscense of something they really desire.
But really, we have a lot in common. And I think the childfree can help the childless in a very important way.
What We Have In Common
We don’t have kids, obviously. But we both are dealing with the way society views people without kids. To the untrained eye, we look very similar. We are looked at as failures. Especially women.
To many people, woman = mother. So a woman who isn’t a mother is…confusing. She had that one job, use that uterus to make children. When a childless couple can’t conceive, it’s their own personal failing. They must be doing it wrong if they can’t get pregnant.
And childfree women are just…completely broken. What’s wrong with her that she doesn’t want a baby? Every woman wants a baby? It what she’s on the planet to do!!
How The Childfree Can Help
We can hold space for the childless. We can loudly shout about how there is nothing wrong with not having kids and take away some of that judgment around not having kids. While that doesn’t get the childless the children they want, changing the perception around not having kids takes away the outside pressures, so the childless can focus on processing their own feelings.
We, the childfree, can teach the childless. We can help you deal with people saying the same dumb shit time after time. Where the childfree hear “You’ll change your mind one day” the childless hear “You can always adopt.” Both of these comments should be met with derision, eye rolling, and snarky comebacks. Childfree people are really good at it!
If you’re childless and coming to terms with it, reach out! Leave me a comment! I can direct you toward some great communities filled with people that have been where you are now.
Sneak Preview
Here’s what’s coming up on The Spinster Life.
Some great episodes of the podcast.
The first one due out is about 30 Rock. Look for that on Tuesday August 2nd.
Then there is the one with a fellow spinster podcaster. I collaborated with Lucy, the host of Spisnterhood Reimagined Podcast. We recorded a two part episode last week, in the can, you’ll be able to listen to both parts on both of our podcast feeds on August 16th.
On Friday July 29th I release a YouTube sketch about how drinking is different in your 20s and 40s. It’s a goofy sketch. The mood has been altogether too serious around here, so I thought I’d lighten the mood a bit.
On August 5th, I drop a video about being childfree based on the blog post in this edition of the newsletter! Even though it’s coming out after International Childfree Day, it’s important to remember to celebrate childfree people all year long.
My Birthday Month is coming up soon! I turn 41 this year. That’s right, one whole year of experience of beign 40. Starting in August and leading up to my birthday in September, I’ll be releasing some videos about birthday parties.
Some great offers for creatives! You may or may not know that I have my own content writing business. I can’t write content for everyone, but I can help more content creators create. Stay tuned to find out what I have in store.